Well we need to know
what the root of shyness is. There are three main components of shyness:
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Self-obsession
If you are a shy
person you will be obsessed with yourself. I call it me-syndrome. I am calling
it me-syndrome because it’s all about you. For instances, am I not looking
good, am I looking fat or am I not doing good? It’s all about you. You are
focusing a lot on yourself. And that is why you are overly self-conscious.
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Poor self-image
Most shy people
have a poor self-image. A poor self-image is could be deep rooted. It could be
as deep as your childhood experiences, a time when you were rejected or maybe
you are made fun of school or at home. May be your poor self-image is
attributed to the fact that you are not from a good family or not really have
the good education that you desired.
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Magnifying ones negatives
Most shy people
always focus on their negatives. All human beings have their positives and
negatives. You can’t be perfect. It doesn’t matter unless you magnify your
negatives. For instances, you think you are so fat or not good looking. Always
try to focus on your positive things whatever you are good at.
We will now see how to
attack shyness because now we know what makes you shy.
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State the problem
Stating the
problem is the first step because I believe that a problem well defined is a
problem already half solved. So, now that you know what is your problem you can
deal with it better? So maybe you are person who is self-obsessed, maybe you
are just magnifying your negatives or maybe you have a poor self-image. That’s
okay now we are going to deal with that.
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Find your strengths
As I explained
to you before, a person who is shy will always magnify their negatives. So they
will always look for their weakness not their strengths. So what are your
strengths, maybe you are a good talker or a good listener, maybe you are a
person who is good at sports. Now for some people like me I may not be good at
dancing and singing but I could be a good speaker and listener and good at
sports. So, when you find your strengths and identify them affectively, you can
use them to your advantage in a social situation.
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Focus outwardly
Remember we just
talk about a person who is shy is self-obsessed which means he makes sure that
the lime light is all over him. But I don’t the lime light to be over myself
all the time. So what I am going to do is I am going to focus on situations,
people or may be just the problem at hand. How do I do that? If I were a shy
person it is natural for me to think about how I am not good looking, how I am
not good at something. But if I focus outwardly, I will listen to more to
people, I will give them a change to say what they want to say and be
interested in what they have to say. So that I can help them and therefore in
that social situation I have the upper hand because now I am actively engaging
in the conversation by being part of what the problem is and by being part of
the conversation.
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Affirmation
Affirmations are
nothing but positive words or positive thoughts. I believe that words carry an
incredible power. So every time you tell yourself that you are good for
nothing. Then, all that negative thoughts register in your mind. And you tend
to act how you really feel. So, it is very important that we tell ourselves
words of affirmation. So you can tell yourself that you are a good person or a
good speaker or a social person because ultimately you will act the way you
think. What you think makes a very big impact on your life. And therefore word
of affirmation very-very important.
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Deal with an uncomfortable situation
This is the one
of the most difficult part about dealing with shyness or overcoming shyness.
Well a person, who is shy, will probably never ever deal with an uncomfortable
situation. If I am scared of dancing and singing in public then I will never
attend school functions or any party. Now understand one thing that when you
face an uncomfortable situation you are not going to feel like doing it but
once you are out there and once you deal with it, you will say that you are in
a position of to function in a more effective way. That’s the only barrier to
overcome shyness.
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Record your success
This is one of
the most important things. Record your success, you can keep a journal or may
be a notebook. You know make a list of your success or the milestone that you
have covered in dealing with to overcome shyness. It gives you confidence and
moral.
So, if your follow
above tips, I am sure you will overcome your shyness. Well that’s it for me
today. I will be back soon with a new topic, until then good bye.
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